What to do when spouse cheats

Jones suggests being assertive when you explain your decision to your friends and family.

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At the same time, I also need you to respect my decision. I am an adult and I am willing to endure. I hope that I have your support.

Should You Stay Or Go When Your Partner Cheats? 6 Things To Consider, According To An Expert

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What to Do After Cheating in a Relationship | SELF

It is often reported that the betrayal felt with an emotional affair can be equally as intense as that felt with a sexual affair. Either way, trust is broken, and the emotional impact of the affair is devastating. During the discovery of any extramarital affair , many questions surface about the true colors of the marriage relationship. Typically, the unfaithful spouse is found to have struggles with low self-esteem, alcoholism, drug abuse or even a sexual addiction.

Additionally, marital issues that may have been brewing for years are often uncovered.

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Typically, these will be unspoken matters that have increasingly caused disconnection, silence and a gradual separating of hearts between spouses. But the affair isn't going to be the answer to any of the marital concerns. An affair is often born out of a fantasy in which an individual seeks to escape the reality of either individual or marital problems. And the person outside the marriage is often seen as the temporary solution to real-life challenges.

If you, like Josh and Amy, have experienced an affair in your marriage, I want to support you and offer some direction on how to save your marriage. First, I encourage you not to make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Take your time and do the hard work of understanding what was behind the affair. During this time, you will need to give each other space — possibly a temporary separation.

Because of the deep emotions associated with betrayal and grief that often follow the discovery of an affair, the needed space is encouraged. This may look different for every couple, so I encourage you to do this under the guidance of a counselor , trusted friend or pastor. Amy depended largely on a group of godly girlfriends who surrounded her as she considered what her next steps might be.


As I proceed in this discussion, I really want to address both parties involved in an extramarital affair: the offended spouse the one who has been cheated on and the unfaithful spouse. You may be overwhelmed by the level of emotion you are experiencing. These emotions can range from utter devastation to intense sadness and everything in between.

If you find yourself in a season like Amy did, with small children to care for and a house to keep up, know that Amy admitted, "Some days it was difficult to just get out of bed. To function during this heart-wrenching stage of your family life, taking great care of yourself is essential. You'll need to attend to your basic needs for food, sleep, exercise and healthy stress management. Although it may feel unrealistic at first, the more you can do to meet these basic needs amid the emotional turmoil, the healthier you will be. As you walk this difficult path, you will probably have many questions about the details of the affair, your own value, your spouse's true character and what you did to contribute to the situation.

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Give yourself permission to ask your spouse questions about the affair or your marriage relationship, requesting complete honesty and transparency when he or she answers. As you question your own value or worth — an anxiety that often results after being cheated on — I encourage you to turn to the Lord. Ask Him to speak to your wounded heart about what He sees when He looks at you and what the truth is about who you are. Remember that God is the only source of truth that is fully reliable and always available.

During this time you'll need to seek the support of family and friends. The Enemy would love to feed you the lie that no one else has been down this road, and he'll try to deceive you into remaining isolated and alone. Don't give in to the Enemy's lies! Seek the support of godly friends who are willing to stand with you to help fight for your marriage. We encourage you to consult only with same-sex friends so you protect yourself from temptation.


Focus on your heart. Although it may take time, this focus will include forgiving your spouse.

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First and foremost, this does not mean forgetting what has happened to you or what your spouse may have chosen to do.